At a dinner party thrown in Jean Chretien's honour, a man turned to Madame Chretien and said, "Your husband has been such a busy prominent public figure with such a busy schedule, retirement will seem very quiet in comparison. Madame Chretien, what are you looking forward to in these retirement years?"

"A penis," said Madame Chretien.

A hush fell over the table. Everyone heard her answer, yet no one knew what to say next. Jean leaned over to his wife and said "Aline, in Hinglish, dey pronounce dat word 'appiness.'"


The Indian Secret to a Long Marriage

At The Swami Narayan Temple in Neasden London, they have weekly husbands' marriage seminars.

At the session last week, the priest asked Popatbhai, who said he was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years.

Popatbhai replied to the assembled husbands, 'Well, I've tried to treat her nice, spend money on her, but best of all is, I took her to Bombay for the 25th anniversary!'

The priest responded, Popatbhai, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here! Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary?'

Popatbhai proudly replied, Im going back to Bombay to pick her up."


Though you may not publicly own to this:

  • At the age of 12-17 years, you were very proud of your first "Bellbottom" or your first first Apache jeans
  • The only "Holidays" you took were to go to your grandparents' or your cousins' houses.
  • Ice-cream meant only - either an orange stick, a vanilla stick - or a Choco Bar if you were better off than most.
  • Your first family car (and the only one) was a Fiat or an Ambassador. This often had to be pushed by the entire family to get going.
  • The glass windows in the back seats used to get stuck at the two-thirds down level and used to irk the shit out of you!   The window went down only if your puny arm could manage the tacky rotary handle to pull it down. Locking the door was easy. You just whacked the other tacky, non-rotary handle downwards. 
  • Your parents were proud owners of HMT watches. You "earned" yours after SSC exams
  • You have been to "Jumbo Circus"; have held your breath while the pretty young thing in the glittery skirt did acrobatics, quite enjoyed the elephants hitting football, the motorcyclist vrooming in the "Mautka Gola" and it was politically okay to laugh your guts out at dwarfs hitting each others bottoms!
  • If you had a TV, it was normal to expect the neighborhood to gather around to watch the Chitrahaar or the Sunday movie.  If you didn't have a TV, you just went to a house that did. It mattered little if you knew the owners or not.
  • You thought your Dad rocked because you got your own (the family's; not your own own!) colour TV when the Asian Games started.  Everyone else got the same idea as well and ever since, no one came over to your house and you didn't go to anyone else's.
  • You knew that "Indira Gandhi" was somebody really powerful and terribly important. And that's all you needed to know.
  • The only "Gadgets" in the house were the TV, the Fridge and possibly a mixer. 
  • All the gadgets had to be duly covered with a crochet covers and sometimes even with ingenious, custom-fit plastic covers.
  • Movies meant Rajesh Khanna or Amitabh Bachchan. Before the start of the movie you always had to watch the obligatory "Newsreel".
  • You thought you were so rocking because you knew almost all the songs of Abba and Boney M. 
  • School teachers, your parents and even your neighbours could whack you and it was all okay.
  • Photograph taking was a big thing. You were lucky if your family owned a camera.  A reel of 36 exposures was valuable hence it justified the half hour preparation & "setting" & the "posing" for each picture.Therefore, you have atleast one family picture where everyone is holding their breath and standing at attention!



To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.
Local Area Network in Australia : The LAN down under.
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.
A boiled egg is hard to beat.
The batteries were given out free of charge.
Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now
A will is a dead giveaway.
If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.
If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.
Acupuncture: a jab well done.